Get the Amontillado: an Original Short Story

 By Jackson Honey

Note: This is a retelling of the classic short story "Cask of Amontillado" by Edgar Allan Poe

    “Oh Fortunato, where have you gone?” I thought to myself. I, Giulia Scoreggia Fortunato, have been married to my husband Spazzolino Fortunato for 14 years, and I was stupid to let him go out for a carnival on our anniversary. Since he was being a fool, I told him he should be a jester. He was such an idiot that he bought a jester costume. I had been left alone with our 6 (boys) children, no girls except me. All of them were making a mockery of my house. As the time went by, I was wondering where Fortunato had gone. He was never this late before. It was 4 in the morning, and I still couldn’t rest without him at home.

    2 days later and I am starting to feel some doubt. Maybe he left me? Maybe he found someone new? The kids and I thought that it should be a good idea to pack up everything and start a new life. We never talked about Spazzolino again. Hope he likes his new life! Little does he know… I know where he went. I made a deal with his “buddy” Montresor. It cost $500 and some wine. He has more casks now.

    “Sparare, I need to talk to Montresor,” I thought. I took the car and met up with him. The castle was still old and rusty. I told him to take me to the catacombs. I spat on Fortunato's wall. He invited me over for dinner so I, of course, said yes. He closed the catacombs,  and we talked. He told me how he tricked Fortunato so easily. I’m happy my plan against him worked. He was an idiot, a fool. I married a buffoon. I’m rich now, though. I sold all of his stuff. The only thing left is my ring, my 17 carat ring. The man was stricken with love, and I was stricken with a hefty check. 

    "Somebody mustn’t have seen my prenup," Montresor said when I told him my plan 2 months ago.
    “Looks like somebody owes me Amontillado,” I chuckled while waving my glass in the air.

May dear old Fortunato rest in pain and suffering.

The End